they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
