I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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