My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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