I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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