Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I looked at my own cervix.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
