Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize