i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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