I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
