Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
