apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
