there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
