wrigley field is MILF paradise
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
