i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to have your abortion
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
