If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
