nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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