Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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