there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize