So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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