When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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