Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
