I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
