If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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