It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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