Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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