Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
