I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
