Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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