I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
