My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have grass duct taped all over my body
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
