You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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