This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
