I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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