i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
