Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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