bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
