i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
