I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
