I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
