i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
time to smoke my breakfast
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
