haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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