My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
