I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
