Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
