I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
