she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ttyl tear gas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
