Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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