I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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