He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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