you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
