last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
