About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
