Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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