I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize