I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
