We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
