every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
