I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
