Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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