1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
