Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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