i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
