bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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