David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
