can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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