Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
